Daughter of the Seaborn King

Dreamed this last night probably because I've been playing Arknights all day.

I dreamed I was at a large mall, something with four floors or so and I was anxiously seeking something. At some point I found a group of people all in interesting dress and design, looking like they came straight out of some fantasy/sci fi situation. One guy distinctly had dark brown hair, a shock of it like the goblin king as portrayed by David Bowie, and cow horns. Suddenly I realized this was Matterhorn from Arknights. The group began to take more distinct shape. Gladiia directed me to a locker room for me to get "prepared".

I wandered into this locker room and found there was a bunch of storage and doors. One door had the word "Father" on the label and when I opened it, it was a higher-end bathroom suite with shower and toilet and such. I went in to get ready. When I came out, the group introduced themselves as my siblings. One of them, out of my line of sight, said "Ready?" and I assented.

She spilled something onto the ground like black goo, and my vision shifted. I was brought to abovehead camera view, and the longest Arknights level I've ever seen came to view. I had to scroll around horizontally just to see the full view, a whole floor of the mall. It looked like something out of the IS2 Mizuki levels, silvery and staining with nether sea brand. Goopy seaborn creatures rose from the spill and I, as the Doctor, had to deploy limitless units to combat every creature. After a few minutes I could feel myself get overwhelmed, so I somehow "reset" my progress and ended up at the mouth of the mall.

I realized how dire the situation was but, like with any videogame logic, I could revisit this stuff later and activate that final battle whenever convenient. I was a university student and I warily wanted to have a bit more normalcy, so I went to the food court of that mall to hang out with friends, spend some time shopping, and regather my thoughts.

When I went back up to the top floor, there was no more group. Just that giant bucket, the size of a commercial flower pot you'd see lining a city street, that was filled with roiling goo. I spilled it myself and the battle recommenced. I remember deploying Skadi the Corrupted Heart, Thorns, Hunter Yato, Texas the Omertosa, and Nightingale among others. Just throwing everyone and everything at this situation. People fell and I had to replace them, and at some point I once again worried I wouldn't get through this. Then... suddenly the map became eerily empty.

From underneath came a giant shadowy whale creature crusted with Nethersea brand much like the designs of the game. It breached the floor and took out eight or nine tiles with each bite. It roared as it followed me, "Is this how you repay my favour, daughter?" and when I looked down, I realized my hands were covered in Nethersea Brand. I was his favoured child and I betrayed him to help the Rhodes Island crew.

Emotionally overwhelmed and trying to run from this Seaborn King who was rapidly swallowing the mall around me, I hit "reset" again.

I was back at the mouth of the mall but things felt different, not like the last reset. I found a group of my friends from uni sitting at a food court table. They exclaimed in surprise at seeing me, about how I've been gone for weeks and they were getting worried. Weeks?? I thought agape. I tried to log in to my ROSI account for u of t and couldn't remember my credentials, feeling slightly panicked about overdue assignments. But when I couldn't double check, I sighed and headed back up to the top floor. Can't hand in assignments if the world ends, can I?

Once at the top floor, I was met once again with the Arknights team, but also with my sister Phoebe who pointed out that I should wear old and worn clothes because the Nethersea brand ink stuff stained permanently. I went back to that locker room from the beginning and pulled out a summery old romper, fumbling my way to the bucket again. Only this time... The contents were maybe only half a foot high. I spilled them and only tiny silhouettes struggled out. We stomped them out and someone even wondered aloud what happened, where was the Seaborn King?

I felt a twinge of both fear and guilt, knowing I betrayed him. I wondered if I killed him last round, and this reset he was gone for good. I knew vaguely that he loved me more than all his other children... And I used that to destroy him. 

Then I woke up!! What a vivid dream. 

Colleen - The Cold Court

Soph rewriting since Leen's not here. Double back-to-back nightmares is hitting her hard.

It was Leen's nightmare but of a different flavour. She was a concubine or banished queen of some sort in a Cold Court (the Chinese equivalent of court purgatory where you're no longer in favour with the king).

There was another concubine there and the two of them were like, deep in solidarity with each other, each devising plans to help catch the Emperor's attention... But at some point Colleen's devices worked for the other concubine, and she became with child.

The part I can recall is Colleen seeing the concubine's child, which was the striking copy of the Emperor, and realizing that in doing this, she's now even less likely to ever see him again.

The child was chestnut-haired and brown-eyed and like a little doll of a thing - in hindsight he kind of looked like Weird Al which is the only funny part of the dream.

And when Colleen pleaded with the other concubine for help, because the thought of being literally alone in the cold court (which does not have servants etc... you get ferried food but it's basically a jail of isolation in luxurious surroundings for the rest of your life) terrified her.

The concubine was like "Why would I endanger myself and my child for this?" and left.

Colleen sat in a daze on the porch of one building that overlooked a muddy pond with a bridge, under which grew lotus flowers.

We recall much in a Girly-like fashion watching the sun rise and set over and over from that position, kind of like being locked in.

Cerulean suspects that Colleen's struggling after her fusion.  The dysregulation is because we now have access to two halves of the pain in one person.  He says not to panic.  That we're going through necessary changes.

Colleen - A nightmare of Casmir

 Sept 30 2023

A dream from Colleen's perspective.

We dreamed we were with Cash but we were both mixed in with some group of people. They felt like... it's really hard to explain, like they were Cash's people, but I wouldn't say "friends" or "alters", just like person-shaped creatures that belonged to them. 

We kept trying to talk to them alone about something but these people kept getting in the way.  By getting in the way, it was like... stealing Cash's attention, or physically getting in our way.  Or staring at us accusatorily.

At some point Colleen got so frustrated being blocked by these strange people that she managed to spear through and grab Cash by the shoulders. She shook Cash fiercely and said something which none of us remember anymore, but it had a very urgent tone.  It was a combination of emotions, something between "This is dangerous and you need to leave with me right now," blended with, "Why won't you just be honest and open with me?"

Then one of those people next to them bit us.

It wasn't good, it was extremely painful, and the pain lasted quite a long time - like it wasn't just a bite, but we could distinctly feel this thing chewing through our flesh. It bit us in the ass and then gnawed until it hit our hipbone.  I remember screaming until my throat was raw for it to get off of me, but Cash only watched, protected by the specters.

Then, I was chased by that one feral person until we couldn't see Cash anymore. Eventually I tore myself away and ran for a long time. I passed through a blur of dark forest until I reached a sheer, 90 degree cliff.  When I looked down, the crashing waters were extremely cerulean blue.

I felt exhilarated.  I knew what I wanted and what I had to do.  I threw myself off that cliff and plunged into the icy water.  I even, when sinking, forced myself to breathe, felt saltwater flood my lungs.  I was determined to drown... and I did.

Disappointing others

Sept 13 2023

It was Colleen's nightmare. Soph is writing now but the dream was disorienting. 

We dreamed it was the last day of school. A mixture of middle and high school. We were wandering around the grounds of this school that looked like an amalgam of ours and had quite a bit of wild fun. I dreamed we sang acapella with a group of friends, almost singing something to completion. Two songs in a row, though the songs escape me now. It had been exhilarating to hear everyone's layered melodies and harmonies, so in tune and so full. I can feel the vibration in my throat of belting out a good song. 

Simon was there too, laughing and singing and snacking from the table. After we sang, though, the dream shifted. The room rotated like a ship overturned. I grasped Simon's hand and instead of panicking like the other students, he and I looked at each other and laid against the wall anticipating what's next. Sea water rushed in. I told him to breathe and swim towards the door. We did it quickly, but I could tell the sea water rose so high in the other room that he'd lose breath. So I used my lungs properly, huge air capacity propelling us forward. I grabbed him by the collar and swam for our lives. Just before we would suffocate, we broke through, gasping for air and pulling ourselves to a grassy shore of the field outside said school. 

After that we wandered around the grounds again.

We arrived back at a main building and there were dwindling groups of friends. One group was in a classroom and someone who looked and sounded quite nonbinary was excitedly going on about this group activity they want to do together. They pointed out something they hung on a wall that looked vaguely like the light catcher we have, the thin lotus one. As they were talking about being delicate and precise and needing everyone to be careful with this activity - some sort of stained glass creating - for some reason, I reached out for one of the hangers. Maybe it was blank impulse or maybe it was curiosity. But the whole thing fell down, bending one of the thin metal frames.

Everyone around me was stunned. So was I.  I think we intended to just look at one piece to decide how to proceed, not knock the whole thing over. The organizer stated at us in disbelief, tears welling in their eyes. They babbled something and left the room while we seized with anxiety at ruining someone else's hard work. This was where Colleen switched in. 

I'm writing on her behalf but just know we felt these emotions deep in our body. 

Colleen stared at her own hand and then at the fallen ornaments.  She said out loud, "I don't know why I did that.  I don't even know why I touched the thing, it was out of my control.  I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean to interrupt you or ruin this... I..."

The organizer looked at us, stricken.  Colleen said, "I'm freezing. I can't move.  I'm sorry."

They stared at us for a few seconds before running out of the room, tears streaming down their face.  We felt the weight of all the people staring at us, some in surprise, some in apprehension, some in disdain.  The words died in her throat.  In a burst of panic, Colleen left me 

She took us to another room, one that we recognized as our main classroom.  Somehow the islands of desks had been transformed into beautiful floral dioramas, moss and stone and tropical flowers blooming with mist machines.  The teacher had changed our classroom to this display just to get interest generated.  We saw people we remembered from childhood - Kelvin, Kelly Zhou, some other girls who flit by.  

Colleen sat down and confessed what she did to a group nearby that we knew.  I don't know why we did that.  Colleen was so confused and frozen she babbled.  And at first, the group around us looked sympathetic.  They understood why she was frazzled and her guilt and regret.  But then the group from the other room began to trickle in, eyeing us warily, whispering.  The faces of the people around us began to change.  It felt suffocating, like we were having our chest tightly gripped and squeezed.

Colleen tried to undo the suffocation by singing.  She howled something primal, a song that was wild and loud and full of... despair?  It felt so familiar.  Felt so raw.

Then we woke up.

We spent some time in front just self-cuddling in bed, just breathing.  Sophia went to where Colleen is sleeping right now - a part of headspace that we haven't visited in a long time, the cavern bedroom.  It's Colleen's nest, this beating heart of the mansion and beating heart of demonside. 

2023 first dream - the Rube Goldberg Machine, and Lao Ye

New year dream

Dreamed I was part of some sort of survival videogame at first at a school. I had to obey some sort of girl on the second floor where since middle schoolers were living. 

Details hazy

At some point it became a dinner party at my mom's house. There were lots of uncles and aunties and for some reason there was a series of Rube Goldberg like contraptions which required Marbles. One course could expand over rooms and we lost the fluidity of the connected courses in the dining room

Originally using a fly in a car, captured by using a small electric fly zapper. The zapper nearly broke because it was shoddily made, orange and plastics and barely big enough to catch that fly. When we couldn't use this method any more, we basically switched to marbles and the puzzle master who was one of my moms karaoke friends had to reset the dining room course to marble optimization

Slight impatience and disrespect from my friends as the waited for the dinner obstacle to begin. I schooled the girl who was rude to me, whining "Hurry up bitch!" . Reminded her this was my house and I will not tolerate being spoken to that way.

Once it was ready, we sent off the marble and at some point the thing slowed momentum and needed a slight push. The puzzle master Auntie told me to sing halo by Beyoncé to get the marble moving. So I did, hitting the high notes and the marble was off again! 

After the obstacle I saw Laoye in the corner of the room. I went to dance with him, wrapping my arms around his neck. We had a conversation thusly:

I told him it was good to see him in my dreams again, but asked why he hasn't moved on yet. He remarked that he's waiting for grandma because he doesn't want her to be alone when she passes. I laughed, though concerned about how many more years that would take. He laughed too but seemed determined or resolute. I squeezed him tight. It felt like my wedding day and I was dancing with him. I could feel the swish of my wedding dress and the solidness of his body, shorter than me. 

I told him if he needs company, he can always continue to visit me until the time comes. He said, 好的好的！