Don't go

Jan 25 2013
Dream nightmare lucid

Sort of a nightmare. Very vivid. In this dream were Sarah, Me (as Colleen sometimes), Lucifael, Cerulean, and Lale.  We were all roommates to an extent.

It started out with me sitting in a room that looked like my parents' from 24 pettibone square.  I was sitting with Lucifael, who I recognized without a moment's hesitation prior to his becoming ruined, and I was also sitting with Sarah.  Lucifael and I were having some kind of deeper discussion; his laugh was very soft and just as I imagined his true voice to be.  It is the first time I have dreamed of him and that makes me rather glad to have conversed with him for the first time.  Sarah was ready to take a shower and I laughed and told her to go.

First, the window went dark.  I could feel and immediate chill and tension that settled into us. The demons were here--the demons that plagued Lale from the first story.  I saw Sarah go and then I followed immediately, tense and anxious.

The hallway was dark.  The demons ate the light.  I couldn't see them but I could feel them, they were like hot air that warped my vision but they were so corporeal that it was terrifying.  Immediately I ran to the front door, trying to draw the demons out of the apartment because I had a sense that there were people I needed to protect inside.  When I left the shelter of the apartment the giant collective demon appeared before me like a wavering dark mass, his eyes like pinched and ripped points of reality.

It grabbed hold of my throat, and my throat felt like it was being shredded by knives.  I tried to rip it with my hands and teeth but the demon was too strong.  That was when Lucifael shoved me back into the apartment,  and shouted at me to run.

I stumbled back in but I was caught by the shoulders.  The person who caught me ran past me immediately after he set me on my feet, and ran out the door to save Lucifael, who was surely getting eaten.  It was Lale, his red eyes burning through the darkness as he slammed the door in my face, effectively shielding me from the sight of Lucifael getting mauled. He was a menacing shadow, an equally terrifying force to counter demons.  Seconds later the doorknob disappeared, and I knew Lale was ready for war, to protect me and the rest of us.

I ran to the bathroom because I heard the water go on. Sarah didn't yet know what was happening.  I panicked because the demons couldn't get in so long as Lale sealed us safely inside, but they were waiting in the pipes to be pushed in.

I burst into the bathroom and watched as the demon came out of the shower head as Sarah bathed.  She shrieked as it clawed her head, having no physical effect but mentally causing her to feel something akin to knives being drawn over her scalp.  I yanked her out from the arms of the demon and ripped the demon to shreds in my hands, shouting at Sarah to return to the large room where it was safe.  She stumbled away and I faced the dying demon in the bathroom, continuing to rip it until it faded to nothingness.  After that I left the bathroom and back down the dark hall, where Sarah was sitting dripping wet and crying.  I hugged her and cheered her up, telling her that since the demons were so fleeting, with the sensations gone the second she left its grip, she didn't have to remember.  She started to smile and I noticed how green her eyes were, and how much paler blonde she looked than usual.  I slapped both hands lightly on her cheeks and giggled when she scrunched up her face, having forgotten the ordeal.  "Repress it well," I told her softly, and walked back to the now-lit living room.

Lale sat sprawled, naked, on the bamboo-woven couch.  Things surrounded him and he looked at me with painfully empty eyes.  My heart leapt out of my chest and I knew instantly Lucifael was dead, probably still being eaten right outside our door.  Lale had sealed us in safety once more.

I brushed aside the things on the couch and he kept staring me with those haunted eyes.  I wrapped my arms around his waist and sank my face against his chest, but he kept pulling farther back away from me, as if I were a stranger.  One thing very vivid about the dream was that his skin was cold and milky white.

  And that was when I transformed into Colleen, always only able to touch him if I'm her and her only.

"Why are you pulling away?" I asked him, and my voice was much softer than it used to be--Colleen's voice, of course. He froze instantly, staring at me part in confusion and part in hostility.  He knew I was changing into her to soothe him.

He didn't speak but watched me wearily as I pulled myself beside him on the couch.  I really became Colleen, at that point.
I knew he grieved for Lucifael, but Lucifael flung himself to the demons to save me, and I did not have any right other than to revere his sacrifice.  "I'm sorry," I whispered hoarsely, and I touched his cold arm.

Then, I felt myself rummage through my own chest, pulling the flesh on my right breast.  "Our son is safe," I softly said, and from the outer periphery of my dream vision I pulled a bundled, warm, mauve-skinned newborn from myself.  Lale's eyes widened to spheres.  I looked down at Cerulean, the infant, who was still wrinkly and small but with his eyes two large blue-gray orbs, like mine--like Colleen's.  He stared at me and I kissed his forehead, then I handed him to Lale, who trembled.  Lale's face became infinitely tender as he cradled Cerulean and he looked at me with the same tenderness, pulling both me and Cerulean into his arms. He was warm.

I saw Sarah smiling at us from the side of the room, and her sea-green eyes and siren's hair disappeared down the hall to my left where the bathroom and bedrooms were.  I looked at Lale to my right and the black window beyond the couch, and some blurred part of the dream happened after that and I can't recall it.  I believe the window showed sunrise and the demons leaving for good, and Lale sagged against the couch with our child in his arms, and then he fell into an exhausted sleep.

After some time sitting next to Lale, I saw beside him someone in sunglasses and a pristine white suit, with dark brown skin, standing beside the window.  Suddenly a hallway stretched where wall next to the window used to be..  The sunglasses man motioned for me and like a ghost, I stood up and walked to them.  In that moment I forgot the room of the apartment and myself, temporarily turning into a famous singer (in my dream she looked like Lady Gaga but wasnt her exactly).  The other side of the apartment suddenly turned into a long hallway and pop music played while the white-gray walls swirled with colour.  I wobbled on my heels and strutted down the hall.

When I turned the corner I saw televisions lining a wall with music videos playing.  There were more windows at the end of the L shaped curb, the wall with the televisions also having silvery balls of various shapes dangling from the ceiling, sometimes in rows or sequentially. Outside the windows was a strange scene, blue sky above studded with high contrast clouds and ethereal, pearly coloured mists on the horizon line.  It was eternity out there, and I had a feeling we were up extremely high.

But that was when I jerked.  I started stumbling back after being overwhelmed with images of musicians and stars.  When I went back around the corner, the couch and front door of our apartment were still there, but the hall down which Sarah had walked turned into an identical stretch of hallway that was equally white and sunlit. Lale and Cerulean and Sarah were gone, and everything had turned white like milk.

I was crestfallen, a part of me empty but another part aching and screaming.  Where were they?  I need them.  But the man with the sunglasses pushed me back down the hall with the televisions murmuring something about moving along, and our apartment once again disappeared from my vision.

That was when I woke up crying.

The transit transgressions

January 24 2013
Nightmare

I only remember a snippet of this dream, before I woke up.

I was on the TTC rt line and heading home.  While I was sitting tapping on my iPod, this guy beside me with pale brownish-yellow-orange hair and dirty blue eyes started talking to his dark-curly-haired, burly friend on my other side.

I was on the Gaia app and he started talking loudly over me.  His voice was average, like any teenage boy's voice. He started laughing and telling his friend that my items were cheap, that "I used to have this game too but my items were worth far more, look at hers, her items are worthless."

Of course I tried ignoring him.  His friend had a deeper voice and he laughed on the other side of me.  They jeered about other things too, like my weight and how I'll never have a boyfriend because I'm so ugly. At that point I snapped at the two of them, "Don't you assholes have something better to do?"

"Nothing better than messing with you, bitch." Snarled the brunette.

They followed me off the train.  I started to cry, feeling threatened and rerouting my anger to sorrow.  The people around me nervously watched but ignored the transgression.

One of the guys pulled me by my hair back from the rt.  I tried to punch him but my hand was soft like jelly and I couldn't form a proper fist.  I felt a spike of fear as they howled with laughter, and the people around me merely got on the train and left me alone with those two boys on the platform to deal with their violence.

I woke up in shock with a pounding heart and aching chest at about five in the morning.  I felt lonely and it was very hard to get back to sleep. It wasn't a great dream to have after my birthday, but oh well.

The untrue friend

Dream nightmare
September 26 2012

Mall, washing thus little girl, not filling out worksheets for the little girl's parents who want to see if I'm a good babysitter. The child loves me but the parents ask ridiculous things like empirical formula of the shampoo THEY gave me to use.  Washing scene transforms into a cult guild meeting, Jen in corner wearing a pink wig.  Me and friends who magically appeared (little girl and parents gone now) go up to her, friendly conversation.  Jen Ip and tricking us (me and two friends, I think Sijia and someone else) to join the laughing coffin guild, the attempted murder. They told us to sleep in these beds as it was a sleepover, we get into "bed", bed starts opening up into hole and they start packing us with dirt.  They tried to bury me and four other people alive; I save two friends and stare at Jen horrified from the descending coffin with live people inside, and she looks disappointed that we didn't die. Then went home, doing the paintings for homework in my dream, return to school.  School is a mall and we are temporarily distracted by Halloween and Barbie doll goods; we follow a preteen girl with olive skin and bushy, curly brown hair in costume deep into mall. I run into Jen and break off from group, wanting to confront her.   Talking with Jen about why she's doing this; she smiles and looks beautiful and feigns innocence.

Her guild infiltrated my highschool orchestra. I knew what they were going to do so I told people they needed to go home and do my music project to leave me with the conversion of ppl into the murder cult. Managed to save Josen and Angel with good, light-hearted acting, and cult ppl don't suspect me of knowing what they're about to do.  I pretend to go to bathroom to try and escape but Jen follows me, and I confront her.  She smokes in the bathroom and her beauty is withering, and I earnestly feel heartbroken that she's changed to be so malicious. I tell her so and she cracks me a tense, maniacal smile.

Time comes for conversion.  Music room changes to cathedral like space, high windows with white and gold walls.  I hide in bathroom and grab heavy plunger. They convert people into murderers the same way Amon from Korra takes bending away.  My heart leaps to my throat as I watch people get brainwashed willingly.  A woman comes into bathroom, tries to drag me out, and I slam the plunger into her head repeatedly to knock her out.

When I sneak outside, Jen stands in front of me.  There is a storm brewing ahead. I scream at my friends to hit them in head to return to normal. Soon Jen corners me and I can't hit her, I love her too much to dare.  I ask her why in a breaking voice. She smiles coldly and explains its for taking Aaron.  I knew this Jen was fake, a figment of my insecure imagination, and I wanted to fix her no matter what.  But she said something like "You knew I wanted him so you took him, then you guys practically disappeared and then broke up.  So you fooled around. I liked him but you got in my way.  Now he's just some stupid boy who couldn't make the right decision in my opinion, choosing you." she then said something about wanting to be the first one to play him, that stupid boy.  I felt enraged.  I fight her with the plunger and she looks terrified, no longer smug.  I shout, " how dare you?  How dare you treat Aaron like he's just another boy?  You never liked him at all!" and my heart breaks.

I hit her hard with the plunger.  She crumbles. The cult flees, everything in chaos, but I sit with her until she wakes up. She is back to normal, with her pink wig on, confused and happy to see me with no recollection of cult brainwashing. We walk home together and I feel sorrowful relief.

In the dream Jen was not herself.  She's not that petty, and she's more graceful, not conniving.  I understand myI sparkle-eyed envy of her probably made her the antagonist of my dream but the whole time in the dream I felt sick to my stomach with how she was warped and changed, attributed to the cult.  In the end my love for her put things back to normal.  I must miss her a lot, I think.

Sent from my iPod

The Disillusioned Heroine

Dream march 1 2013
On school, scooby doo, and gravity

I don't remember this clearly but it's there.

I was in some kind of animation school where they told us to invent some kind of believable animal and then cgi a documentary of that animal that looked like a legitimate documentary.  In my dream I riffled through a computer with past examples of work and there was stuff like fiery otters, high-jumping chibi angel creatures, and I decided to do a living ball-jointed doll.  I also considered my woodland half plant rabbit that I designed in Print class but flashes of imagining how to graphically design it made me think it was too difficult to do.

This dream as sort of coherent, sort of not.  I was on the subway on my way to that art class when I saw a man with a violin and a woman with a guitar. They had a mandolin-like object with them and I picked it up, while carefully going to throw out food I was finished eating, then I tuned it and randomly played pretty chords.  They joined me and we started to sound awesome.  The two of them sang like Lady Antebellum's duo and when we reached a conclusion of a musical interlude, I improvised and sang too, and they looked at me, impressed.

While this dream was happening I was also having a dilemma as Daphne from scooby doo.  Fred was always touching me and vaguely I remember that in the dream I didn't want to go out with him anymore, since he treated me like a "babe" and went out to see other girls.  Thelma kept yelling at him if he tried to get cozy with me but in my dream I was reluctant to push him away at times, or resentful of how disrespectfully he treated me at others.  I was also being courted by the nerdy doll from Robot Chicken, and he stuffed his shirt with cotton to look more buff and impress me.  It was kind of... icky.

Another segment of the dream concerned me in a half-forest like setting trying to imitate some of the animals I saw from the first documentary.  There was this one where I jumped a lot from high distances and then landed on my feet.  I felt exhilarated and I wondered if I could fly, too--attempts afterwards confirmed that I could not.

That's about all I recall.

I just found a bunch of my dreams written on my iPod

The next slew od posts will all be old dreams!

The anticipatory dream

Dream sept 10 2013


First part of the dream: I was driving with mom through markham and we parked on a grassy hill behind these new houses without backyard fences. We crept down the hill to find and admire our new house.(totally geographically inaccurate details lol). The house back was just as it should be, red brick and black roof etc, but the front when we walked down a charming set of steps to it was warped and different in my dream in a good way. First it was indoors like a classy apartment foyer. It was cheery and christmassy out front (golden gas lamp street lights, pale cobblestone, a warm glow over everything but still having an ornate ceiling overhead) and the top floor of our house had those overhanging plaza shop mini tent roof things. There was another house on top of our house, as if it was transformed to a plaza condo (think Asuna's house in SAO. ) Mom and I left cheerfully bc construction was coming along nicely. Then the dream changed when I got into the car.


Then it was me and phoebe playing in a GIGANTIC house, well furnished but not really ours. we were house sitting. I chased Luna up the stairs, rubbing her belly when I could catch her and she ran into the room Phoebe was gaming in. The owners of the house, a couple who were family friends (can't remember who) came in with grocery bags.


After that part of the dream I went dow stairs and suddenly i was in an outdoor fair of some sort. The place literally looked like a realistic rendering of sszelda's Skyview temple, with more white staircases leading up into the temple (now built against a stoney cliff like a cave) and staircases leading down into an amphitheatre like space. I went straight in through the temple doors. Then i was walking through the tco performance in a sort of tribal space in a cave, a mix between markham theatre and like any aort of high fantasy Nordic dwelling with wooden ceiling beams paved with wooden planks to make accessible levels. Then they held that odd tribal performance (music, singing, drums torches cave drawings) meanwhile they held an "ancient" wedding ceremony.


I was Link and I was seeking the last pink fairy to complete a sidequest (that doesn't exist in canon games lol). I spotted it down with the performers and I tried to shoot it but failed. Spent a good part of the dream ninjaing around to try and grab it. When their performance was done, I said the barest of polite hellos and kept trying to get down to the pit where the fairy was. Soon they hung up banners of mario kart characters like tapestries and for some reason I shot the goomba one with a gun. A green rupee fell out and down but I couldn't get to it in time. I DID however get down to the pit finally and I found the pink fairy in an oily-brothed cauldron flitting frantically. It dawned on me that I needed to go further upstairs to play the sun's song in another temple room to dry up the cauldron and free thr fairy.


Before I could go I was stopped by seeing one of the tco girls chew out two boys on their terrible performances and how they'd never make it to new york. I frowned and wanted to hit a tabletop to stop her escalating shouts but ended up lightly grazing her cheek. She stood jn shock (it was the petite double bass girl in spyre and with short hair... jamie?) And I stuttered and apologized. We talked for a bit and she apologized too, her outburst due to the stress of having performed in nyc. I suddenly felt something around her. Like a TANGIBLE glow or change in temp or sth. I just told her that she was one of those fated for success, and if she worked hard she could defo achieve what she wanted.


I left to go back out to the courtyard where it was getting cloudy and gray. Some glum food vendors part of the tco volunteers tried to sell me the cold pasta and rosti while some of them ate it. They were also simultaneously boothing and promoting something, but I'm not sure what.


The rant on america: LITERALLY a passage in my dream I read that "I" wrote


"I don't understand American democracy. I don't understand what it means by them being "united" and their definition of true democratic freedom, where young men and women are lured to work at things they hate for unfair wages with the comforting promise of commodities until they become bitter adults, and then it's too late.


I dont understand cosplayers who cosplay in succession different layers of the same trope (followed by anime images of different "weak heroines" with plastered smiles and outstretched hands)."

Then I woke up. What an odd dream!